Inside an Interfaith Marriage

Nancy Fagan

Age:53

Status:Married

Religion:Jewish

What are the challenges of an interfaith marriage?

Deciding how to raise children, definitely.  My husband was supportive of raising them Jewish so for us it was easier than it is for other interfaith couples. Along with that, we had to figure out which traditions of each religion we wanted, like Christmas tree or stockings, to recognize or what we felt comfortable introducing into the household

How did you decide to raise your children?

Jewish. I felt more strongly about raising them that way. I couldn’t really see myself being comfortable raising children Catholic. Again, my husband was willing to support raising the children Jewish because took an educated not emotional approach. He had been in religious schools since grade school so he had a lot of knowledge about both religions.

How did your parents react or influence your decision?

Marriage: Very biased and prejudiced. Disrespectful. When I first told my father he was absolutely furious. We tried to talk to both of them again about it and they ended up kicking my husband out of their house. It was not an easy experience.  I Throughout the whole wedding process they were very difficult as well. I remember as we were growing up my mom would call rabbis who married interfaith couples “Marrying Sams” meaning they didn’t care who they were marrying as long as they were making money. After we got married, I think they tried their best to accept it but it definitely was something they needed to get used to.

Raising Children: My parents never came out and said anything specifically about raising the kids Jewish. I think it was an unspoken necessity in their eyes. Judaism is as much a tradition as it is a religion so in that respect I kind of agreed with them. I believed it was a part of me. I think even if I said I would raise the children as orthodox Jews, they wouldn’t care because they didn’t want me to get married in the first place.

John Fagan

Age:51

Married

Catholic

What are the challenges of an interfaith marriage?

How you are going to raise the children and the cultural differences the family will face.

How did you decide to raise your children?

Jewish. I am comfortable in raising children in a different religion, as long raised correctly. The religion doesn’t really matter. I made sure they knew they could choose how they wanted to handle their faith however they wished.

How did your parents react or influence your decision?

Very Supportive. Very happy.

Did they care about having a Catholic Influence on the kids?

Didn’t care about having any catholic influence in the marriage. “I was raised to do what makes myself happy. If that’s what I wanted they were supportive of that” 

 Interfaith Relationship:

Spencer

19

When did your religious differences surface?

One of the first nights we met

How important is your difference in religions?

Not at all. I care more about the relationship than I about my religion.

How important is your own religion?

Somewhat important, I don’t really go to church anymore but I  used to and I would say I still believe in the basic values

Would you ever consider converting for a significant other?

No, being Catholic is what was raised to be and believe. I wouldn’t feel right abandoning the religion grew up with.

What do your parents think?

I don’t think they’d care. They haven’t said anything yet. My Dad wanted to be a priest so he’s pretty strict in religion. It may just take a little getting used to.

Interfaith Relationship

Michelle

19

When did your religious differences surface?

One of the first nights when we met

How important is your difference in religions?

Not important. Judaism plays a relatively small role in my life and he supports the little role it does play.

How important is your own religion?

Somewhat important; I was raised with Jewish traditions since birth and my extended family is still highly immersed in the tradition. I don’t really go to Temple except for special occasions.

Would you ever consider converting for a significant other?

They should be understanding and accepting of my religion enough not to ask me to convert. Religion doesn’t play a big enough role in life to convert either.

What do your parents think?

Well, they are in an interfaith marriage themselves.  I think they would fully support whatever makes me happy

-Inside an Interfaith Relationship-

-Inside an Interfaith Relationship-

Female

19 years old

Roman Catholic

Male

18 years old

Eastern Orthodox

1.    When did your religious difference first surface?

a.     We realized early on that we did not practice the same religion. It wasn’t until later on that I realized [my boyfriend] did not agree with many religions, including my own.

b.     I knew she practiced a different religion before I began dating her.

2.    How much of an impact do your religions have on your relationship?

a.     Our religions do not affect our relationship in a large way, but they do have an impact. I am able to celebrate holidays that I’m not accustomed to with his family and vice versa.

b.     For now, our relationship is not impacted by the difference in our views on religion. I believe it may become an issue in the future.

3.    How important is your own religion to you?

a.     Religion is very important to me. I was raised Catholic and I hope to raise my own children Catholic. It is upsetting that my boyfriend does not practice Catholicism because if I decided to marry him someday, I would want our family to be Catholic, but he would not want the same things.

b.     I realize that it is very important for people to believe in something and have faith in something other than what exists on Earth and religion allows this. Having said this, religion is not important to me.

4.    Would you ever consider converting for a significant other?

a.     I think it would be a very hard choice for me to convert religions because I have been raised in the Catholic Church and religion is a significant factor in my life. If the religion was similar, and my husband was strongly religious then I might consider converting. Otherwise, I would rather my significant other convert to Catholicism.

b.     No. I would never ask someone to do it for me, so I would expect the same treatment from my significant other.

5.    What do your parents think of you dating someone that belongs to a different faith?

a.     My mom is not against me dating men who are not Catholic, but it would concern her if I chose to marry someone who wasn't Catholic. She wants me to continue practicing my religion and wants my children to be raised Catholic.

b.     My parents do not mind.

Inside an Interfaith Relationship

Carly Farrell 

Interview questions

- Profile of the person –

o Name: Lauren Farrell (Carly Farrell’s Older Sister)
o Age – 23
o Married, single, in a relationship – In a Relationship (4 Years)
o What religion do they identify as – Roman Catholic

Inside an interfaith relationship

- When did you religious difference surface? – “Within the first year of dating Mike I became aware of his religious views.  He refers to himself as an atheist but I consider him more of an agnostic. Initially when I found out that Mike was a self proclaimed atheist, I was very curious of his thoughts and what views he had but the thought of long term was something that I questioned but never gave me too much concern.”

- How important are your different religions? – “Right now at this point in my life it is not a huge factor in our relationship but if the relationship were to involve into marriage or escalate to more of a serious and permanent relationship our religions may become somewhat of an issue. We are both still very independent and we respect that we have different religious views but if we were to marry then I would hope that we keep that respect and that he will be able to be on the same page and have the same understandings.”

- How important is your own religion? –“Very important, I rely on my religion. In every aspect of my life, my faith plays some type of role whether it relates to my family, friends, job or emotional stability”

- Would you every consider converting for a significant other? –“Never. It is all I know and certain aspects of Roman Catholicism are so important to me that I would not be able to convert or change my views to fit that relationship mentally, physically and emotionally. “

- What do you parents think? – “My parents would be supportive of any relationship that makes me happy. They would just hope that I stay faithful to my religion even with a conflicting view in the relationship. My mom expects that I would always stay faithful to my religion and would be affected by the relationship more than my father. My father would be a little more understanding and open with the union. My mother would present some resistance toward a relationship that entails religious conflictions but ultimately she would be supportive of what I want and would never abolish anything. “